Dear Titus,

You say you find religion boring? I’m not surprised. You told me you attend Mass every Sunday, you confess twice a year and you pray about three minutes a night before retiring. This is a perfect formula for boredom!

Boredom is, I believe, one of the most common reasons for people to give up the faith, especially among the young. So many have tried the faith (half-heartedly) and found it wanting.

Many bored people are so because they have quick, active minds. Life just moves too slowly for them. So, some of them make their own excitement, and eventually, alas, end up in jail, or addicted to some substance or immoral activity. But, others, with the same sort of mind, have found a way to get through the boredom and discover that goodness is ultimately more stimulating, interiorly, than evil. We call them saints.

St. Augustine lived with his mistress for 14 years before leaving his “cruel slavery to lust” and discovering the beauty of God. St. Teresa, even as a nun, delighted in (too many) visitors to her convent and could not wait until prayer was over, until she forced herself to pray and began to find its delight. St. Margaret of Cortona lived as a nobleman’s mistress for nine years before finding peace in prayer and penance. St. John Bosco used his acrobatics to evangelize his peers, and often settled debates with his fists before his conversion was complete. He said he would have become a terrible sinner had he not become a priest.

So how did the saints deal with boredom? In two ways, I suggest: first, they learned how to cope with early boredom in the spiritual life; second, they overcame boredom by discovering the interior excitement of a strong spiritual commitment. Once they got going, there was never a bored saint!

DEALING WITH BOREDOM

The first thing you must face is that a certain amount of boredom is absolutely inevitable in any worthwhile endeavor. Athletes are bored (and sored) by weight-lifting at first, until they see how it helps their performance; med students and law students are bored with all the reading they must do early on; saints are bored with prayer, until they begin to taste its results.

One delightful young woman who left a life of drinking and sex, said she forced herself to pray the rosary even though she could hardly stand it. Later, when she was a daily communicant, she spent an hour a day before the Blessed Sacrament in prayer and commented, “I just love that hour of prayer every morning. It makes my day!”

In fact, if you’ve been involved in premarital sex or pornography or other stimulating activity, you will find the early stage of prayer even more boring by comparison. No matter. You have to sweat it out anyway.

There is drudgery in every worthwhile project. Would you expect the task of gaining eternal life to be an exception? Of course it’s boring at first! Jesus never said it would be easy to get to the Kingdom. He said, “Narrow is the gate and hard is the way that leads to life and there are few who find it” (Mt. 7:14). Elsewhere he said “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny his very self, take up his cross and follow in my steps” (Mk. 8:34). The first cross of a Christian is boredom at prayer.

A nice thing happens when you start to really pray: it gets easier. As St. John Vianney said, “The more you pray, the more you want to pray.”

UNNECESSARY BOREDOM?

But, don’t endure unnecessary boredom by taking on too much at once and making things impossible for yourself. True, Jesus said that to be saved you must love God “with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself” (Mt. 22:39-39) But, you can’t get there overnight. You can’t decide, “Tomorrow I’m going to start praying an hour and a half a day,” and expect to be successful. You’ll soon give up.

This happened to one young man, who heard a talk about the faith and decided to start going to Mass and pray the rosary daily. He fizzled out after a couple of months. Fell back to almost nothing.

Use psychology on yourself. You wouldn’t expect to bench press 250 pounds the first time you try, would you? Or, run a four minute mile? It takes time to get into these things and it takes time to get into prayer.

Begin with something small, something you are certain you can handle, but something significant! You should commit to a minimum amount of prayer daily if you hope to be saved. Alphonsus Ligouri said “Those who pray are saved; those who do not are damned.” Strong words, but true.

Think for a minute. How much time could you give to God each day in prayer? Half an hour? Fifteen minutes?

How about five minutes a day. Peanuts, right? Chicken feed. But if you did it every day without fail for six months, you’d have the beginning of a decent prayer life. After six months, you could ask the Lord to give you the grace to do a bit more, but don’t think about that now. Just go for the five minutes minimum for six months.

“What if I want to do more one day?” you ask? Sure, go ahead. But keep your minimum at five minutes until you have a good strong habit. Only then should you increase it.

“What if I’m ready to increase it after three months?” you ask? Certainly, why not. But just add a small amount, say three to five minutes more. Better to grow too slowly than grow too fast and risk falling back. And, remember, weekends are hardest to keep up because you have a different schedule.

“What if I’m certain I can go with ten minutes to start?” Sure, go ahead. Some people can do that, or more. But few can commit to more than fifteen minutes a day at first. Know what you can do; be generous, but be smart, and know your limitations.

WHAT TO PRAY?

“So what am I going to pray for five or ten minutes, Our Father’s, Hail Mary’s and Glory be’s?” No, not unless you want to push this boredom thing to the wall.

Try something more interesting. Try meditating on the life of Christ. You could use Scripture…

“You mean I have to lug a Bible around with me when I want to pray?” No, you could meditate on the mysteries of the Rosary. Each one is based on Scripture and each takes about three minutes.

“But all those Hail Marys-don’t tell me that’s not boring, to repeat these prayers over and over.” It would be if you were thinking about the words of the Hail Marys. But, in the Rosary, you don’t think about the words of the Hail Marys, but about the mystery.

“And if I don’t know the mysteries?” Learn them! There are only fifteen. Ask your priest or one of the parishioners for a leaflet. Or, pick up a booklet. There are scores of different booklets and leaflets available. In the meantime meditate on some you do know, e.g., the crucifixion, the resurrection, etc.

“What about the Apostle’s Creed, and knowing which mysteries to say for what days?” you ask. Forget all that to start. Skip the intro and say whatever mysteries you want, to start. Later you can bring in these other elements.

“Where should I pray? Does it have to be in church?… On my knees?” No, not to begin. You can pray anywhere, and virtually any time. In your car, on the subway, in your room, sitting in a chair, lying down, even while you’re falling asleep. One woman used to pray a decade riding the ski lift. Be creative. Take time wherever you find it. If you can pray before the Blessed Sacrament, that’s best, but start wherever you can. Little by little, make your prayer more devout, by place and posture.

“That’s all there is to it? Just meditate on two or three mysteries a day? Will this really make the faith more interesting?” Guaranteed.

THE SAINTS

But there is more. Prayer is never enough. You have to become a new person if you expect to live with God in his Kingdom, in a kind of marriage. You have to change and become holy. You need to get to know the saints.

“But they’re all dead!” Alas, you’re right, yet how they lived! If you want to find your way in this world, and into the next, you need some good guides, people who have made it. We have about 5,000 of these in the Catholic Church. When you read their lives you see that they struggled with the same things we do, but they never gave up. They knew the purpose of life and they lived it to the full. And, they were happy.

What I’m saying is that if you read books on the saints (not just anthologies) you will be inspired. You will see the pitfalls of life, the true virtues. You will want to live a strong spiritual life. You’ll be motivated. Motivation is the key to living a holy life.

Prayer will open your mind to the lives of the saints; reading their lives will make you want to pray more.

Discouraged by the lives of the saints? Do they set impossible standards? Indeed they do. Impossible for them, too, without grace. Ah, with grace… nothing is impossible.

OTHER MOTIVATIONS

There are many other motivations to live a holy life, other than the example of the saints. First, when we get lazy, we should remember that we have all received an engraved invitation to hell, and it’s easy to get there. Jesus said as much: “Go in through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to ruin, and many go in through it…” (Mt. 7:13). Look around, look at the people on TV. Do many of them look like they’re trying to make it to the Kingdom? Do you think you’re immune from being drawn into the powerful vortex of evil around you? There but for the grace of God go you or I.

Another motive for holiness is the different levels in heaven. Imagine heaven as being married to the most beautiful, delightful, faithful, etc. spouse you could conceive of, and suppose you would spend as much time each day with this irresistible person as you spent in prayer each day on earth. In fact, it’s something like that. Jesus said “The Son of man… will repay each one according to his conduct,” (Mt 16-27). Our happiness in heaven will be proportioned to our love and goodness on earth (Council of Florence). Live a holy life and you’ll be that much happier for all eternity. People wait hours to get good seats for the super bowl and that lasts only a few hours. This “super bowl” will last forever!

There is yet another strong motivation to work at the spiritual life: purgatory. St. Augustine wrote “The fire of purgatory will be more severe than any pain that can be felt, seen or conceived in this world.” St. Thomas Aquinas said virtually the same thing. If you live a holy life here by prayer and penance, you could avoid much if not all of purgatory. St. Teresa of Avila wrote, “Let us strive to do penance in this life. How sweet will be the death of those who have done penance for all their sins and need not go to purgatory!” If you want to be motivated, just read a good book on purgatory (for example, Purgatory by F. X. Schouppe, S. J.).

There is one final motivation to live a holy life: living the faith halfway is a real bore. Living it not at all is too costly-it leads to eternal boredom and misery. Don’t be fooled by the tinsel of this world. True holiness is the best antidote for boredom in this life, and the only way to the eternal joy, excitement and ecstasy of the Kingdom.

Hope to be there with you. What a delight!

Sincerely in Christ,

Father M.

Why should you go to confession? There are a hundred reasons we conjure up why not to go to confession, but there are twice as many reasons why we should go.

“I CAN CONFESS DIRECTLY TO GOD.”

The most popular argument against going to confession is “I don’t need to go to a priest. I can confess directly to God.” St. Augustine had to deal with this in the fifth century:

Let no one say… “I repent before God. God knows it and pardons me.” What! Was it then said in vain to the priests, “Whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”? You hold the Gospel of no account. You despise the words of Christ, and you promise yourself what he refuses to you.

You can indeed confess directly to God, and be forgiven venial sins. However, as the Catechism of The Catholic Church (CCC) teaches, “Individual and integral confession of grave sins followed by absolution remains the only ordinary means of reconciliation with God and with the Church” (CCC # 1497). For mortal sins we need more than just “direct confession”: Anyone conscious of grave sin must receive the sacrament of Reconciliation before coming to communion (CCC #1385).

Also, by not making use of the sacrament of Reconciliation, you do not receive the sacramental grace that comes from going to confession.

St. Francis de Sales wrote:

In confession you not only receive absolution from the… sins you confess, but also great strength to avoid them in the future, light to see them clearly, and abundant grace to repair whatever damage you have incurred. You will also practice the virtues of humility, obedience, simplicity, and charity. In the single act of confession you will exercise more virtues than in any other act whatsoever.

St. John Vianney said, “When you go to confession you un-nail Our Lord.”

When you confess directly to God you don’t hear the words of absolution from the priest, by which you can be sure you have been forgiven. Jesus gave his apostles the power to forgive and retain sins (Jn. 20:23). A priest can often tell if you are truly contrite for your sins. He can help you know what things are truly wrong and what things are serious matter. It is said, “No one is a good judge in his own case.” The priest helps us arrive at an objective understanding of how we stand before God. There is great comfort in knowing we are truly forgiven, not just subjectively, but objectively.

St. Dorotheus said “It does not matter how many virtues a man may have, even if they are beyond number and limit. If he has turned from the path of self-accusation, he will never find peace.”

In confession, too, we can get some spiritual guidance. We may need counsel on how to deal with a problem in a truly Christian way. The priest can often help us find the right approach.

There is another reason to go to confession, of course. The Catechism of the Church states:

According to the Church’s command, “after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year” (CCC1457).

Each year we put off confessing serious sins, alas, another serious sin is added.

As anyone who has gone to confession recently knows, the sacrament of penance is not a harsh tribunal of justice, but a manifestation of God’s infinite mercy. God waits patiently for us to return to him so that he can embrace us again with his love and help us to be at peace. The priest is there in the confessional to represent Christ, the one who told the parable of the lost sheep, the prodigal son, who forgave his executioners from the cross. This is the Jesus who waits for you in the person of the priest in the confessional!

“CONFESSION IS PAINFUL!”

One person said he had a friend who “shakes all over every time she goes to confession, and has many friends who do the same. How can you call this a consoling sacrament?” Perhaps more important than how she feels when she goes is how does she feel when she leaves? This is the key.

Also, Many people tremble at the mere thought of going to the dentist, or for surgery, but consider the alternative: rotted teeth, diseased organs, etc.

Rotted teeth and diseased organs are serious matters, but a rotted soul… What a tragedy. Some put off the confession of serious sins and try to cover them over with various arguments why they shouldn’t go. After a while they feel that they have accomplished their goal, the pain is numbed. They hardly notice it. It’s like an infected wound that gets covered over by skin. You almost forget it is there. But it is there, festering away and eating away at your whole body. Unconfessed mortal sins eat away at the soul, but the corrosion is almost invisible. It can be like a cancer, which is not discovered until it’s too late.

Many psychologists have marveled at the power of this sacrament. It is not primarily a psychological exercise, but there is a psychological element. We are told that strong emotions need to be expressed in some healthy way. If we keep them in we may develop a neurosis. Guilt can be a strong, and helpful emotion, if we allow it to move us to apologize. If we hold it in however, it will pop out in other ways, as toothpaste used to come out from the side of the tube when we squeezed the tube without taking the cap off. Guilt will come out as criticism, especially of the Church. Or, it may come out as anger, anger over any little thing that happens. Unexpressed guilt can make us very sour people.

“But, I thought guilt was a bad thing,” you say? Some guilt is good, some bad. The guilt that moves us to contrition and apology is good. The guilt that we keep after that is bad. Once you go to confession and are absolved, get rid of the guilt. Prolonged guilt is often the result of pride. The person thinks, in effect, “How could someone like me do something as terrible as that?” The fact of the matter is we are all weaklings in the eyes of God, and it is only when we say with St. Paul, “I will boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me” (2 Cor. 12:9), that we get strength.

Once Fulton Sheen was instructing an airline stewardess in the faith. When he taught her about confession, and the need to go, in order to be forgiven serious sins, she blurted out, “Now I know I’ll never become a Catholic.” Sheen said, “Come back for one more hour, and if you still feel the same, we’ll end the lessons.” She agreed. The following week she came again and the hour ended the same way, only this time she was angry and screaming. He said, “There is nothing I have said which should bring such a reaction… Did you ever have an abortion?” She said “Yes,” and began to weep. It was out, and she was no longer angry or reluctant to continue. She finished her lessons, went to confession and joined the Church. And, she found peace. She feared the pain of confessing, but was glad when it was over.

Sometimes by avoiding a painful thing today we bring on twice the pain tomorrow.

But, what if the priest gets angry with me? That seldom happens anymore, but if it does, simply ask the priest, “Father, did you die on the cross for me?”

There is another thing to remember about the discomfort of this sacrament: the more we go, the easier it is to go. Everyone should attempt to go to confession at least once a month, but ideally every two weeks. The more often we go to confession, the more sensitive we are to our sins, even our small sins, and the less discomfort we feel.

To be sure, if a person has a serious psychological problem with confession, he should discuss it with a priest and see about the possibility of being excused, at least for a time.

“I’M EMBARRASSED TO TELL MY SINS TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!”

True, it can be embarrassing, but that should not keep us from so great a source of grace. How often we go to a friend to tell them some wrong we have committed against our spouse. Do we believe it is Jesus in the confessional, or don’t we? Who could be a more understanding friend? I have received more understanding and comfort from the priests in the confessional than in any good friend.

What will he think of you? He will see you as Jesus sees you: one who has been wiped clean. But won’t he look down on me? Let the priest without sin be the first to throw a stone. We priests have to go to confession too. Do you think we are without sin? Think again. Priests know also, that some of the greatest saints_St. Augustine, St. Mary Magdalene, St. Margaret of Cortona_had been great sinners. Who is to say you are not the next? Priests try to look at the “new you,” not the old one.

The priest is bound not only to never reveal the sin of a penitent, but to try to forget sins as soon as he hears them. There is an expression that we priests have: What I know from confession, I know less than that which I do not know at all.

CONVERSION

So often confession is the beginning of a great conversion. Bishop Sheen told this story:

When Charles de Foucauld, a hero of France but still an evil man, entered a church one day, he knocked at the confessional of Father Huvelin and said: “Come out, I want to talk to you about a problem.” Fr. Huvelin answered, “No, come in; I want to talk to you about your sins.” Foucauld, struck by Divine Grace, obeyed; later on he became a [hermit] in the desert and one of the saintly men of our times.

A young man once gave a talk about his conversion. He had been a Catholic since childhood, but he fell into sin and neglected confession, though he continued to go to Mass. So, he did need conversion. He went to confess one Saturday afternoon, and found himself at the end of a long line of people. He looked at his watch and decided he didn’t have time to go, so he started to leave. A woman close to the confessional grabbed him as he went by and said, “Here, take my place. You look like you may need it more that I.” Indeed he did. He was caught… by the Hound of Heaven. He went in, confessed, and returned to the sacraments for the first time in over ten years. He went on to become a priest.

“I DON’T NEED TO GO TO CONFESSION. I HAVE ONLY VENIAL SINS.”

Pope John Paul II said on June 15, 1983:

The sacrament of reconciliation is not reserved only for those who commit serious sins. It was instituted for the remission of all sins and the grace that flows from it has a special [power] of purification and support in the effort of amendment and progress. It is an irreplaceable sacrament in the Christian life; it cannot be disregarded or neglected if one wants the seed of divine life to mature in the Christian and produce all the desired results.

When we confess just venial sins we develop a greater sensitivity to them, and become more inclined to overcome them. Most people who commit mortal sins began with repeated venial sins, and thus weakened, fell into more serious sins.

One person went on a retreat and as part of the retreat he went to confession. It had been more than two years since he had gone. He hadn’t committed any mortal sins so he didn’t absolutely have to go. Nonetheless, the priest gently corrected him on his staying away for so long. “Could it be a matter of pride that you haven’t come to confession all this time?” He encouraged him to go at least once a month from then on, just for venial sins. The man admitted his pride, and resolved to go monthly.

Pius XII wrote in Mysticii corporis:

For a constant and speedy advancement in the path of virtue we highly recommend the pious practice of frequent confession… for by this means we grow in a true knowledge of ourselves and in Christian humility, bad habits are uprooted, spiritual negligence and apathy are prevented, the conscience is purified and the will strengthened, salutary spiritual direction is obtained and grace is increased by the effectiveness of the sacrament itself.

Confession: God doesn’t need it. We do.

A question that teens usually ponder regarding sex is, “How far is too far?” But a new question I challenge us to consider is, “How far would you go to protect your purity?” Saint Maria Goretti was only eleven years old when she was stabbed to death for refusing to give up her virginity to a neighborhood boy, Alessandro.

When she wouldn’t give in to his advances, Alessandro stabbed Maria fourteen times. Four hours after the attack, she finally reached a hospital. She made her last Confession and received her final Communion before she died. Her admirable last wish was that God forgive Alessandro so that one day he could join her in Heaven.

On June 24, 1950, Pope Pius XII canonized Maria Goretti as a saint of the Catholic Church and the patroness of youth. Alessandro even testified on behalf of Maria’s holiness during the canonization process! (In prison, Maria visited him in a dream in which she gave him a bouquet of fourteen lilies, symbolizing her forgiveness.)

Wow. Maria wanted to die before she offended God. What’s more, she forgave her murderer! To beeleven and already believe in something enough to die for it – talk about faithful! She died an awful death, but in her suffering she gave honor to God. She died for Christ, and now she reigns with Him in eternal glory! (2 Timothy 2:12 – “If we persevere, we shall also reign with Him.”)

St. Maria Goretti is an excellent model for anyone who wants to live the virtue of chastity. With teen-pregnancy rates sky-high today, I pray that her story inspires teens to follow in her footsteps. Her death speaks volumes about the value of chastity, and the depth of her forgiveness makes her a true follower of Christ. She demonstrates that anyone can bravely defend purity without fear, as Christ will always strengthen us when we want to stand up for Him.